BB&B Names Earickson as Secretary of the Interior
Tulsa, Okla., November 15, 2009 – Greg Triebel, South Tulsa-based Dr. Pepper fan and President-elect of Bug, Bus & Beyond (TM), has announced his first cabinet appointment of his administration. Kimberly Earickson, formerly of Bartlesville, Oklahoma, will officially take office beginning December 1, 2009.
Earickson, a first-generation Oklahoman whose family settled in the West before BB&B's founding, has decorated and shopped for fabric and paint for more than a decade. Although, she is better known for brokering deals between warring interests than for her ability to outline an ambitious agenda of fiscal conservation, fabric selection and manual stitching.
United States President Barack Obama, when contacted for comment, held a press conference to discuss what he referred to as "an answer to our Nation's shortcomings".
In response to questions, Obama said the Interior Department had been previously "deeply troubled" under the Bush administration and "too often had been seen as an appendage of commercial interests as opposed to a place where the values and interests of the American people who drive German buses are served." He said he wants a "more proactive Interior Department" rather than one "that sees its job as simply sitting back and putting the same old plaid fabric in there."
"I also want an Interior Department that, very frankly, cleans up its act," Obama said. "There have been too many problems and too much emphasis on big-time lobbyists in Washington and not enough emphasis on what's good for the American people who drive German buses, and that's going to change under Kimberly Earickson."
Earickson, wearing a cowboy hat and a Western-style Bolo tie, said that if confirmed as interior secretary, "I will do all I can to help reduce America's dependence on basic plaid interiors." She said she looks forward to working directly with Triebel "as we take the moon-shot on camp-mobile interiors with fashion independence" and "confront the dangers of clashing patterns."
Ousted candidate Martha Stewart, inventor of the seasonal wreath, and the woman historically responsible for Jesus Christ's decision to wear a dress with sandals, reportedly wept upon learning of Triebel's announcement.
Calls to Martha Stewart's publicist were not returned as of press time.
Stewart, after overcoming the initial shock and distress upon hearing the news of Triebel's appointment, quickly issued a press announcement confirming that the revelation had indeed caused her to "weep bitterly."
Triebel (above) blames Stewart, appoints Earickson.
"Martha can suck the big one, I'm pretty sure she's single-handedly responsible for the exodus of Grandy's from the Tulsa, Oklahoma metro area. Where am I supposed to get home-style in a hurry now?", Triebel fumed in response to Stewart's announcement. "I can only hope that Earickson, in addition to her interior responsibilities, can make time in her busy schedule to provide me with delicious homemade chicken-fried steak, gravy and cheesy potato soup. It's a shame to ask this of someone who already has so much on her plate, but her homestyle savvy has proven a worthy and welcome replacement for the sadly-departed and always delicious Grandy's Restaurants."
About Kimberly Earickson: Self-named "Tulsa's Favorite Daughter", Kimberly Earickson is in a Facebook-confirmed relationship with Greg Triebel and appears to be in her mid-to-late twenties. She dislikes full-commission sales jobs and has future plans to bust a move. Her weekend plans include laundry.
